if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize