maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
