this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
