drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
