Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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