His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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