So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
