the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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