:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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