His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
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My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
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It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You are a genius and a whore.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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