I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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