well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
