Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My life is pants optional.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
