I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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