get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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