My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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