Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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