First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
