had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
