She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
