so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
