So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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