grandma shit on top of the toilet
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
