We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
