i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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