Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
