my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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