So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
