Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
