booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
