but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
