It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize