no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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