you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The air was thick with penises
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
