What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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