apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
