Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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