So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
