In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
