An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
