we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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