I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
