I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
