2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
