i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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