OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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