speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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