This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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