worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
