Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
