White coat. Heels.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
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You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize