My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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