On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
