First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
