I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
