guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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