wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
