Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
