i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
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Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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