I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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