we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
