I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
