I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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