can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
