i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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