She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Found the puke drawer
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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