he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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