Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
