Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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