I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
