hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
