did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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