member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
