I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
