the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
