I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
