I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
