spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
