I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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