your thong is hanging out like whoa
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
